Ah, the Oscars... I have such a love/hate relationship with you.

Frequently I sputter in outrage over the movies selected to receive the prestigious awards. Frequently I cry out in frustration at the long acceptance speeches. Frequently, and this is my favorite part, I shriek in horror at OSCAR FASHION.
Yes, the only reason I watch the Oscars at all is honestly just to check out who is wearing the ugliest dress, and though Oscar Fashion was kind of boring this year, I had plenty to scream and avert my eyes from.

Behold my discoveries.

Amanda Seyfried may well have escaped my notice completely were it not for the giant bow in the middle of her dress. Without the bow, the dress would have been boring, but sometimes boring is the lesser of two evils.

Beyonce, your dress was as terrible as your performance. In fact, I don't even want to talk about it.

I really like Heidi Klum's shoes. I do not love her dress. The neckline sort of makes me feel like her dress wasn't quite finished yet, but she wore it to the Oscars anyway even though there were still a few seams that needed to be sewn. "I'm Heidi Klum!" she probably announced airily. "Everyone will think this is what it's supposed to look like, and I'll be stunning!" You are pretty neat, Heidi, but no, bad dress.

Jessica Biel gleefully snatched a curtain from her picture window and wrapped it around herself with a flourish while brandishing her empty wine bottle. "I'm going in THIS! I'll just tuck a table runner into it, and I'm ready to go!"

I think Marisa Tomei is a stunning creature. However, and you may not be able to tell from the angle of this photo, from the waist down her dress looks as though it was created by stapling a bunch of those fold-out paper fans together. TOO MANY PLEATS!

The next time Melissa George appears at the Oscars will be for her ground-breaking role as a mermaid. Seriously though... super skinny, tight, constricting dress suddenly exploding into a mass of tulle? No.

Miley Cyrus.... if I never hear her name again I'll die a happy woman. I'll also die a happy woman if I never have to see this dress again. I just... I don't even know what to say about it, except.... EWWW.

I actually think Penelope Cruz looks lovely. Lovely if she were at her own vintage wedding. Which, if I may point out, she is not.

Sarah Jessica Parker. How I loathed you in Sex and the City. How I have often scoffed at your clothing, and true to form, last night was no exception. I am somewhat grateful to you, however, for your attempt to look like a fairy princess with smashed boobs bulging out of your dress certainly gave me something to laugh about. (Seriously, you can't tell so much in this picture, but the boob bulge was BAD.)

Now I don't actually know who Vanessa Hudgens is (or even how to spell her name) but I do know that the random sprouting of feathers and whatsits from her chest, paired with the boufy (shut up, that's a word!) bottom, really make this dress a piece of work. A piece of burn it in a bonfire work.

Now that I've insulted several famous women on their choice of outfit, I'd like to turn to the actresses that I thought looked amazing:

Although I was not fond of (and by "not fond of" I mean "hated with a firey passion") Amy Adam's necklace, I thought her dress was stunning. Dramatic, flattering, and interesting without looking weird from any angle. Lovely.

I heard Freida Pinto caught a lot of flack for wearing this dress because it was "too old for her". To be honest I can kind of see where the nay-sayers are coming from, but the color is so gorgeous on her, the lace is so pretty, and it has such an awesome sari-like feel to it, that I say good job.

This is Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman. I don't know who Georgina Chapman is, but her dress is awesome. It reminds me of some crazy tapestry or maybe an awesome rug. I know it sounds weird, but I really like that dress!

Natalie Portman is a wee, petite sprite of lovely. I'm not 100% crazy about the color, but I just love the overall look.

Most everyone at the Oscars feel into three catagories: LOVE IT, GROSS, and BORING. There were a few, however, that I simply couldn't figure out how I felt about.

I think Jennifer Aniston is quite pretty, even if she's never been one of my favorite actresses (and MY GOD I hated 'Friends'!) but I think her dress is okay. It's the hair that's making me nuts! Elegant, fairly simple dress, with that hair! I just... I don't know.

Kate Winslet could show up at the Oscars wrapped in a shiny black trashbag with thigh high hooker boots and I would still comment on how gorgeous she was. But still... I'm not crazy about the dress. And again with the hair! You can't really see it in this picture, but it totally ruined everything. With great hair I'm pretty sure I would have liked the dress.

Taraji Henson has an awesome name and an awesome necklace. However, I can't decide if I adore her dress, or if it looks like someone ran in circles around her really fast with a roll of paper towels.

Lastly, there is always a person or two who you love because they're so crazy, and you secretly hope they'll show up wearing something bizarre.

Mickey Rourke, the only man who stands out enough in a crowd to warrant making it into my blog post. How I adore you and your craziness!

As far as award show getup goes this is tame as far as Tilda Swinton is concerned. But... it's TILDA SWINTON! I both worship her, and am sort of scared of her.
And so ends Oscar Fashion 2009 with Becca. I missed the Oscars last year, but I did cover Oscar fashion in 2007. The formatting broke when I transferred it from Wordpress, there are typos, and the writing is poor, but you get the idea.
Until next year!