Ah, the Oscars. How I both love and hate them. Actually, last night was the first time I had watched the Oscars start to finish in a couple of years - fortunately it was a decent year, so I don’t have too much to gripe about. I have a few usual complaints about past Academy Awards ceremonies that I always mention that I decided not to bring up this year, mainly how never in Gwyneth Paltrow’s career has she EVER deserved to win an Oscar. I’m still not over that. I probably never will be. Ellen DeGeneres hosted this year, and while I was a little leery about that, she turned out to be very funny - certainly a better host than some I’ve seen.

So, imagine the scene - myself, my mother, my grandmother, my 17 year old sister, and my friend Bob are all at my grandmother’s home to watch the Oscars, ready to mercilessly mock any hapless person in the entertainment industry who didn’t happen to dress or speak up to our high standards. Poor Bob was forced to endure plenty of high pitched “Oh my GOD look at her DRESS, what was she thinking??”, “who told her THAT looked good??”, and “Leonardo DiCaprio is SOOO HOT!” “OMG CLIVE OWEN!!!” And if anyone dared take longer than ten or fifteen seconds with their acceptance speeches, we were all over them. “Shut UP!”

Yes, we are mean, but we sure have a good time. ^_^ So this blog entry will serve to enlighten my readers about the fashion highlights and lowlights, and some of my favorite parts of the 2007 Academy Awards.

We’ll start with the fashion lowlights (my favorite part!):

Meryl Streep is an indisputably beautiful woman. At the Oscars, her clothing was simple, black, elegant. Everything you would expect from Meryl Streep. However, unfortnuately for her fashion statement at one of the most media covered entertainment events of the year, Meryl decided that it was necessary to wear the gigantic amulet from her voodoo priestess, in case she needed to cast bad juju on her competitors. Fortunately, Meryl has a kind heart, so even though she didn’t win Best Actress for her role in ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, she held off on using the amulet to cast any malicious spells. Either that or she’s waiting until Helen Mirren is least expecting it.

Nicole Kidman is pretty hit and miss with her Oscar fashion. This year, the simple red dress was a nice touch. The huge bow, dog collar thing, and long Shinobi-style train scarf thingie look BAD. Nicole, we know you want to be a ninja. Too bad. You aren’t.
I also think that Nicole Kidman is an alien. I don’t want to shock or frighten anyone, but I believe her true colors are finally beginning to show. I believe that she and Gwynneth Paltrow were sent to Earth by their alien leaders to subvert and destroy humanity. Just look at the photos. It’s obvious.

See what I mean?

And as you behold this photo of Gwyneth Paltrow, I can only say one thing: Beware the pod people!

Ah, I almost forgot - dear Penelope Cruz (at least she’s not an alien!). Penelope Cruz has steadily been becoming less and less annoying, and looking less and less like a hound dog. She was actually very pretty at the Oscars, although what she wore is an entirely different matter.
I actually have the inside scoop on Cruz’s dress. A day before the Oscars, Cruz was trying on her dress, originally a lovely pale pink confection that was slim and elegant. Cruz, eating a hot dog, dropped ketchup all over the skirt of her dress. “Oh no!” Cruz cried, looking was despair upon the ruin of her gown. A day before the ceremony, and I’m nominated for Best Actress! What am I going to do?” Suddenly she remembered - in one of her spare bedrooms, covering one of the beds, was a comfortor of the exact same color of the dress. But… could it be done?? It could. So now you know why Cruz wore a blanket to the Oscars.

One wonders what Kristen Dunst was thinking when she chose to wear this to the Oscars. It looks like an elaborate child’s dress that someone saw and said “Hey, this would be really cool if we stuck some feathers on the bottom!” >_<>

I really feel that this photo speaks for itself. Eva Green has the potential to be beautiful. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen her actually pull it off. She kinda looks like she’s trying to look like some frightening gothy bride of Frankenstein, minus the scars. Someone should tell her that’s not a good look to go for.

And now, I am done dissing rich actresses dresses. I’ll now share some of the fashion highlights of the evening, for there were just as many people who looked stunning as there were people who looked like idiots.

I’ll start with Helen Mirren, who won Best Actress for her leading role in ‘The Queen’. Mirren’s dress was beautiful and fun, elegant without being stuffy. She looked absolutely perfect, and I don’t think anyone can really argue about that. The top of her dress may have looked a little wierd, but the overall effect, jewelry and makeup included, was excellent. Kudos to Mirren!!

Without further ado, I present Rachel Weisz, the most stunning, luminous creature at the Oscars. Her dress was lovely and was perfectly complimented by her hair and dramatic (but not too heavy) makeup. The necklace was a little much, but we’ll forgive her for that. ^_^ Of course, Weisz is so gorgeous she could probably come to the Oscars in a paper bag and I would be saying how the outfit was an unusual choice, but the brown of the bag brought out her eyes, or something like that. ^_^

I love love love Kate Winslet’s dress. I think that if she had done her hair a little differently, she would be almost as beautiful has Rachel Weisz. As it is, I love the dress, I love how simple she went with the jewelry, but her hair…. Anyway, this dress was probably my favorite dress of the evening.

Reese Witherspoon is wearing the runner up for my very favorite dress. I also love her straightened hair and makeup. Unfortunately she looks to me like a stick insect. She’s pretty, but could stand to gain some weight. ^_^ Anyway, the dress is lovely - I love the color, and it looks fantastic on Witherspoon. Some actresses canNOT pull of the strapless look, but she does it beautifully. Now go eat a cheeseburger.

Gorgeous Jessica Biel proves to the world that she can still look like a badass in a bright pink dress. ^_^ She makes it onto my list less because of her dress and accessories, but more because she is still as buff as she was when she made Blade Trinity! Incredible body, and actually I think her hair was done very well. Very nice updo. And the only other thing I have to say is THAT is why I go to the gym. Maybe one day I will look as amazing as Jessica Biel.

Okay, now I’m finished with the fashion highlights of the Oscars. My next section (and I know every female who happens to read this is going to appreciate this next part) will be highlighting the best looking men who made an appearance!

I must, of course, start with Clive Owen. When he walked out from backstage to present an award, every woman in the room was awestruck. Of course, as anyone EVER seen Clive Owen looking anything but divine? I feel like I want to go watch ‘Sin City’ and ‘Closer’ again. Right now.

Next, of course, is Leonardo DiCaprio, looking ten million times better than he ever did. He was in two incredible films this year, ‘The Departed’ and ‘Blood Diamond’, and was nominated (I think) for Best Actor for his role in ‘Blood Diamond’. This isn’t the greatest photo, but you’ll have to take my word on the fact that he looked unbelieveably good. He’s second to Clive Owen in hotness. ^_^

And, well, what can one say about Robert Downey Jr.? He is adorable. That’s it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And his hair is awesome. ^_^

Mark Whalberg, nominated for Best Supporting Actor, ‘The Departed’, was all smiles and jokes, which of course makes him all the more adorable. And he is a BAMF. He exudes BAMFness. And hotness. ^_^ And that’s about all I have to say about Whalberg.

Unfortunately although Gael Garcia Bernal is absolutely gorgeous, his hair was so bad he didn’t deserve to be included in the best looking men section.

Now for the final section of my uber long Oscars post - my three favorite parts.

Jack Black and Will Farrell sing a song about comedies in the Oscars. Absolutely hysterical, we were all laughing. ^_^ It would definitely be worth trying to find on Youtube. Best part is when Black and Farrell start singing about how they’ll beat up all the Oscar nominees. Farrell gets to Mark Whalberg (nominated for Best Supporting Actor, ‘The Departed’) and says something to the effect of, “and Mark Whalberg… I’ll leave you alone, you’re actually kind of a bad ass."

Host Ellen DeGeneres comes up with a solution for where to put your Oscar when making acceptance speeches, and for later at after parties when you want to show it off and have both hands free.

Martin Scorsese wins Best Director for ‘The Departed’. Congratulations, Mr. Scorsese. It was well deserved.

I have one final photo for you to behold.

Are you ready?

This requires some mental preperation.

Are you ready now?

You sure?


Here it is.

Yes, that is Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. I think Nicholson was drunk, and Keaton high.
No, I’m not kidding. ^_^