One of my favorite bloggers, the generous, selfless, Canadian Ben over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster is offering his hand in marriage to some lucky individual desperate to escape America in the event that Senator McCain wins the election. I've decided to prepare an application just in case it becomes necessary. I would love for you all to review it and give me suggestions to help ensure that I appear an extremely desirable marriage prospect.



Okay, here it goes!


RE: Need to marry into Canada?


Dear Ben,


Let me first say that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving us the chance to escape a country that would flounder and suffer under the despotic rule of another republican. You are most certainly a gentleman, willing to sacrifice for the good of another. And you're hilarious. And beautiful. And amazing.

(Do you think I went overboard with the flattery?)


I would first like to address the requirements you laid out to prove that I did indeed read them, and I know what I'm applying for. I will not address every single requirement; I believe this will unnecessarily lengthen my application, and I understand that you are a busy man with many of these to sort through. If you would like clarification on a particular point, please feel free to contact me; I am at your beck and call.


1.) A man of your impeccable taste of course deserves to have his spouse cover all of his travel, living, and marriage expenses. Even if you had not specifically indicated that this was a requirement, I would have simply assumed that this would be the way things would work.


(You don't think he'll guess that I'm totally broke most of the time, do you?)


8.) I feel that I have a very good grasp of what will constitute your problems and my problems. Your examples were very helpful. I would be very good at solving "someone is dying in the living room" and "dog poop everywhere" problems. I am also frequently at a loss when I am desperate to give someone a massage and when I have free concert tickets. I believe we will compliment each other very well.


9.) Oh, Ben. You listed "ninja" as a trade that would be useful to you. Don't forget that not only am I a Winja, I am a superhero. Just think of the possibilities.


12.) I despise sci-fi shows, and am more than willing to sync dirty looks. If you choose to accept my application, we will be Dirty Look Masters. People far and wide will fear our Dual Dirty Look Combo.


(No one should mention to Ben that I love sci-fi shows. I mean, MY GOD, the new Battlestar Galactica? WOW! And Firefly was totally one of the best shows ever. So SHHHHH!)


15.) I am a Winja and a superhero. I am not concerned.


I would now like to discuss some of the reasons I think I would be a wise choice. One of the most important, at least in my opinion, is that if we were ever faced with a zombie outbreak or placed in a teen slasher flick, you, the newf, Calvin, Theo, and myself would all escape alive - I am inundated with horror scenario knowledge. I will bring a diverse collection of DVDs, music, books, and video games with me, which, according to requirement # 5, will all become yours. And last but not least, I am sweet, funny, encouraging, am very good at giving advice, and will always give you my honest opinion when you ask for it.




Now, if we are to enter into this marriage arrangement, I have two requirements. This may seem a bit presumptuous, but although I would very much like to escape this country, I am not a doormat.


1.) I require someone to watch Supernatural with me. You will definitely not find this onerous, I promise. I mean, Jensen Ackles. 'Nuff said. "Watching Supernatural" entails curling up together and squealing at the bounty of stunning men provided by the show.


2.) I'm bringing Stella, my cat, with me. She's loving, adorable, and so sweet you won't believe it.




(Okay, I'm definitely lying about that one. He didn't watch that video I posted where she wouldn't stop attacking me, did he?)




I look forward to hearing from you and participating in your reality TV show.




Love,



Becca


P.S.

Just think. We could be a part of your family for four to eight years!

So, what do you think? Hopefully it won't be necessary to send it in, but you never know. I like to be prepared. ^_^