The Scene: Pat and I are on our way back to my place after watching Supernatural and eating amazing homemade meatball subs with his parents. Pat is driving. I'm throwing a fit about street signs.

Me: What the hell? WHO NAMES THESE STREETS?! No seriously, I want to know whose job it is to name streets! Who gets to decide that a street is called Widme?! Or Big Rock?! Or Noll?!

Pat: (is laughing, and trying to pretend he isn't) Becca, a lot of these streets are people's names.

Me: Hidden Springs? Are there hidden springs down that road? Can we go find them?

Pat: No.

Me: Why not?

Pat: Because then they wouldn't be hidden anymore, and they'd have to rename the street.

Me: So? Anyway, I still want to know who decides - WHAT?! Seriously, Bjermerland?!

Pat: That sounds like it should be a nordic fortress or something.

Me: Well, there is a fortress down there.

Pat: There is not.

Me: Have you been down there?

Pat: Yes! That's where the driving school is!

Me: The fortress is new. You probably haven't seen it yet.

Pat: (turns off the headlights as we approach another street sign)

Me: (screeching) What are you doing?!

Pat: (turns them back on) Nothing. Just keeping you from reading every street sign we see.

Me: Knock it off! You're going to get pulled over!

Pat acquiesces to my hysteria and leaves the headlights on. There is a brief moment of silence while we hear some radio talk show mention Hilary Clinton is going to be Secretary of State (no idea if that's true, just barely heard it in passing).

Me: I don't even know what the Secretary of State does. What does the Secretary of State even do?

Pat: Mmm....

Me: You have no idea.

Pat: (gives me a look) Of course I know. The Secretary of State names all the streets.

Me: (laughing) Oh yeah?

Pat: When the Secretary of State first walks in his or her office, they're handed a bunch of boxes. In the boxes are lists of streets that all need names. The Secretary of State tries to name as many they can as quickly as possible. Because then they get more points. And if they get enough points, they get to go into the Street Naming High Scores Hall of Fame.

Me: Wow. I had no idea.

Pat: (laughs) If I was in charge, the government would be awesome.

Another thirty seconds of silence as my mind races around to places that aren't useful or intelligent in the slightest.

Me: Hey, remember Kongs?

Pat: WHAT?

Me: Kongs!

Pat: Are you just making up words now?

Me: No! They're dog toys! Rubber dog toys that go like bloop bloop bloop (making hand motions to indicate a small top widening to a larger base). And they're open in the bottom, so you can put treats and stuff in there.

Pat: I think you're making this up.

Me: Am not! They're red and black and who named that street CALDART?

Pat: That's probably somebody's name!

Me: CALDART?

Pat: Yeah! Look, Jensen! That's somebody's name too!

Me: All streets are not named after people!

Pat: Yes they are. Look, 10th. That's totally somebody's name. (a few seconds later) Highway 305! I'm totally naming my first kid Highway 305.

Me: You shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the naming process for your children. Why are you so stuck on the idea of streets named after Transformers?

Pat: ........ WHAT?

Me: I mean... I mean people's names! I was just thinking about the Transformers and my words got mixed up!

Pat: (laughing helplessly)

Me: Look, Viking! Are you going to tell me that's named after a person?

Pat: No, that's named Viking because there used to be vikings who lived here.

Me: You have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.

Pat: Of course I do.

Me: Do not.

(we pull onto my street)

Pat: You'd better watch it or I'm going to have the Secretary of State rename your road Becca is a Stupid Dumbface Lane.

Me: That would be a pain to write on an envelope.

Pat: You're right. And all your neighbors would be mad at you.

Me: I don't think you would really do that.

(we pull into my driveway and Pat parks the car)

Pat: (laughs) No, I wouldn't. I love you.

Me: Love you too. Lets go play Guitar Hero!